What’s in a name?

What’s in a name?

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A few people have asked, “What’s the deal with the birds?” given that both my blog and business name contain the word. So, here we go…

Full disclosure – I didn’t used to like birds. I thought they were quite insignificant, irritating, have stinky cages, and they didn’t really impress me much at all. In fact, when I went to the zoo, I would always try to skip the bird cages.

I know of loads of people who have noticed a something that “speaks” to them. I’ve heard of feathers, specific numbers or words, rainbows, seeing a “silver lining” in the clouds, or a particular animal. They seem to see these things at specific times, just when they need a sign, a confirmation or a comfort. For me, that thing has become birds.

It all started when my eldest son Joshua, 6 at the time, came home with a picture of a bird that he’d painted at school. I don’t know what it was about that particular picture, but it captured my heart.

Joshua's Hummingbird
Joshua’s bird painting

At the same time, my husband and I were going through a tough time financially, I was retrenched, and we were feeling like the world was spinning out of control. We were panicking, worried that we were going to lose everything. We were incredibly frustrated that things just couldn’t seem to work out!

I needed to very quickly make a plan to set up a business. While contemplating a name for it, I kept being drawn to Joshua’s picture – a hummingbird, as he describes it. And that birthed the name: Hummingbird Consulting.

Hummingbird Consulting Logo
My business logo

No sooner had the name come to me than I felt the phrase, “Consider the birds” drop into my heart. I knew it was the Holy Spirit reminding me of the scripture that says:

“Look at all the birds – do you think they worry about their existence? They don’t plant or reap or store up food, yet their Heavenly Father provides them each with food. Aren’t you much more valuable to your Father than they?”

– Matthew 6:26

It was a such a comfort, an encouragement and a reminder that God will provide for us. I’ve needed to be reminded of it several times since, and He has, consistently, in different ways.

As if starting a new business (with zero capital or savings) wasn’t enough of a challenge, I felt prompted to start a blog, with the name “Bird on a Wire”. That took me a bit longer to agree to, but it’s here now 🙂 You can read more about that in my first post.

The phrase isn’t one that I’d heard before and I didn’t quite understand what on earth it meant. What I DO know, is that to me, birds have become a symbol of freedom, of creation, of mystery, of precision. Of perfect design, and a constant reminder of God’s provision.

The “On a wire” reference speaks me me of fragility, of security and of needing to come to a place of rest – something that completely resonates with me and is a big part of my journey.

I now love birds (pigeons less so…), and we are fortunate to have a great many beautiful little birds that visit our garden. Their chirping brings me joy, their their visits bring me comfort, and seeing them in flight sets my soul free. Most of all, I love the not-so-subtle reminders I get, to “Consider the birds”.

So that is the deal with the birds 🙂

Decisions, Decisions

Decisions, Decisions

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Buying presents and choosing something off of a menu are possibly two of the most anxiety-inducing decisions for me (sheesh, talk about #firstworldproblems!). Even choosing presents for my kid’s friends is stressful – will they like it, do they have siblings and if so would they play with it together, will they like that colour, will it break, what will their parents think of it, which is most value for money, is there perhaps a better option??

Upon introspection (which I do a LOT of), it’s easy to see that a lot of the overthinking, the “what if’s” and the doubting is rooted in fear. And if fear exists in these small, insignificant decisions, how much more so when it comes to buying a house, making a career move and other big life decisions that will likely set the course for the rest of your life and have an impact on your family and beyond.

I’m faced with one of these big decisions at the moment. One that may seem like an absolute no-brainer to some, but isn’t actually as cut and dry as it seems. We all face challenges differently and make decisions according to how we’re wired. For me, it’s a process and I’ve been flexing my decision-making muscle hard of late! I thought I’d share part of my process in case it helps you. (If you’re one of the carefree, “go with the flow” types you will probably think I’m crazy!)

Weigh things up

Make a list of the pros and cons of the options you’re presented with. Be as detailed as possible. Even if it seems silly, it’s good to see it on paper. Which option looks more positive when you look at it this way? Look at this list carefully. You might see that the pros and cons are often linked and will ether cancel each other out – this helps with perspective too. Then sift through which of these are legitimate, which are actually lies or things based in fear, and what is just fluff that doesn’t really matter.

Look at the bigger picture

Write down your overall thoughts, feelings and question marks. What would the ideal situation be? Consider the non-negotiables, your passions and how the options line up with those. It’s often from here that you can both refine your “wish list” and uncover overarching fears and values that you may not have been aware of.

Phone a friend

While you can’t (and shouldn’t) rely on the convictions and thoughts of others to make a decision for you, it IS good to lean in to those you trust the most, for their support and input. It could be a mentor, a close family-member, your closest friends or a second opinion from someone in the industry if relevant (e.g. a real-estate agent if it has to do with buying a house).

Some disclaimers here:

  • Do your own thought process first – your voice and (most importantly for me) God’s voice needs to be louder than theirs.
  • Only include people that you trust implicitly and who you know have your best interests at heart.
  • If you’re inviting these people in to help you wrestle with a decision, you must be willing to let them hold you accountable for what happens once you’ve made it.

Find peace

After all is said and done, I have found PEACE to be the single most powerful sign that you’re making the right decision. If something isn’t right, you’ll know. In “Christianese” we call it “a check in your spirit” – a warning that something is off and God trying to get your attention.

For me – when I’ve considered all the options, asked for other’s input, submitted the decision to the Lord and found peace, excitement follows and I can move forward into a decision knowing that God’s got me, no matter what.

What other tools do you use? Please add them in the comments.

Leave it to the professionals

Leave it to the professionals

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I LOVE being able to go and pick some veggies and herbs from my garden. It’s the closest to being a hippie I get – that and the bare feet I’ve been donning for the past month. I’m also not bad at cutting my 3 boys’ hair, as long as I can use clippers and they sit still! Cutting my own though? Na, I think that’s best left to the professionals, as are some other things I’ve come to notice during lockdown…

All things pretty

Between the botched hair attempts I’ve seen, including these, and friends gluing their “hoohaa” to the sink while waxing (I have no idea how), all I’ll say is “Proceed with caution!”. Some say that beauty therapists should be added to the list of essential services for this very reason.

I’m pretty low maintenance so fortunately I’m not affected at all, but I do feel for the MANY women who will soon be unrecognisable. As an aside… Maybe it’s time to embrace natural beauty a bit more anyway? To be real and comfortable in our own skin instead of the fake lashes, fake nails, fake tight skin and fake plumped lips that so many have come to rely on? Just a thought…

Our daily bread

I’ve been limiting my shopping trips to every two weeks during lockdown which has meant that I’ve had to make my own bread or rolls in between. Now, one of my favourite things is the smell of fresh bread, and enjoying it while it’s still warm. I kid you not, when I was pregnant I would go to the shop, buy a loaf of “Ouma se brood” and start eating it straight away, breaking off chunks as I go. I didn’t even care about the looks that I got. Now I at least wait until I get to the car.

It just doesn’t seem to be the same at home though. I’ve tried 3 different bread roll recipes and I cannot get them to smell as good, taste as good or be as fluffy as they are in the shops. I am very clearly not a baker (I flopped crunchies the other day!) but here are 3 things that I’ve learnt in this process:

  • When the recipe says “beat for 5 minutes” they mean with a dough hook attachment, NOT a normal beater. Oops!
  • It’s important to read the recipe properly. There’s a difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon, especially when they’re talking about quantities of yeast…
  • I am genuinely terrified of the amount of preservatives that must be in the pre-packed bread and rolls that we usually buy that make them stay fresh for as long as they do. I’ll still buy them because it’s just SO much easier and more sustainable – and cheaper too, I’m convinced.
My rolls
The best batch I’ve managed so far

On the money

My goodness – the amount of time that I’ve spent trying to figure out what the heck I am doing with my business accounts, PAYE, UIF and all the rest of it. There is good reason why people pay good money to get good people to do this stuff for them – and I WISH I could at this point! Hopefully I’ll have more luck today.

I’m not even going to TALK about teaching now, except to say that I thank God for them, I don’t know how they do it, and I will NEVER complain about school holidays ever again! Now please make this homeschooling thing stop. Please!

Which professionals are you most grateful for? I’d love to hear about your thoughts and experiments in the comments.

Finding Rest

Finding Rest

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I mentioned in my Lockdown post that unbusying life and prioritising rest were two of the things that I want to focus on. To unpack that a bit…

I’ve had a love-hate relationship with busyness all my life. With an Achiever personality type, I have an inbuilt need to feel like I am valuable, which for me has [insert historically] translated into putting a lot of pressure on myself, taking on way more than I should, measuring success by my accomplishments and placing far too much importance on what others think of me. This has proven hugely problematic when anxiety and depression come in to play…

I am on a continuing journey of changing what I believe success looks like, learning to say NO to things, and placing value on things that really matter. It doesn’t come naturally to me though, and if I’m not super careful, I very easily get sucked into the “stuff” and allow it all to overwhelm me.

On that note, I thought I’d share something that I wrote after going on The Heart Journey Retreat (I’ll share more about that in a separate post):

Trapped between the panic and the desperate need for peace.

My soul cries for rest and green meadows, but the chaos and clutter keep me in bondage. Choking me.

My breath is shallow as I’m consumed by life. Everything urgent. Everything needing my attention. Now!

What about time for the things that really matter? For God, for my calling, for my family. For me?

I breathe a big, heavy sigh, longing for relief to come. Longing for simplicity. For peace. For contentment. An empty schedule but a full heart.

But peace comes in the midst of the busyness, like the calm in the eye of the storm. Pull in closer to Him and be untouched by the chaos around. Rest is a condition of the heart and connection is the key to finding it.

I will pursue that above all else. I am valuable and worth it and God cares more about the state of my heart than my achievements.

I can breathe easy now – lifted up, reminded, encouraged, and loved.

I am not trapped.

Lockdown Lookout

Lockdown Lookout

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We’re halfway through the (initial) 21-day lockdown and I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I know that A LOT has been said about Covid-19 and how to best manage lockdown, but my heart is not settled on this topic just yet, so bear with me as I process my thoughts…

I’ve been feeling incredibly conflicted and confused: uneasy, unsure, and anxious, yet hopeful and excited about the changes that are taking place across the globe because of Covid-19. I feel pressure to not let this major, once-in-a-lifetime event to go by without making the most of it. But what does that look like? Should that be performance-based in terms of productivity? How important is what I sow into my kids over time? I’m not great at navigating the unknown – we all are.

On the work front, I am concerned about income because my upcoming projects were cancelled, put on hold or clients are unable to pay me because their own cash flow is problematic at this time. I’m struggling to find new business because marketing budgets are frozen and many companies are battling to pay their own employees, let alone hire an external resource such as myself. I’m finding it hard to balance the feeling that I need to be DOING more to try find an income VS being OK to use the spare time to do other things that are good for me and my family. Can I fully trust that it will all be OK and that we’ll make it through somehow?

On the kids front, I desire to be the kind of mom who does creative activities with her kids, comes up with clever games to keep them stimulated and teaches them well. But if I’m honest, I actually just don’t have the mental, physical or emotional capacity for that. While I am being mindful of keeping things balanced and allowing time for free play, structured play, baking and gardening, chores, learning time and screen time (yes, they do watch TV and play video games – judge me if you will), I’m not being super strict or intentional about it. I mean, they are still learning and child-led play is important, so I think that’s OK? That said, I realise that I’m missing out on wonderful opportunities to expose them to more and make lockdown exciting for them. Ugh, I’m torn. Am I just being lazy and making excuses?

On the home front, there are a great many cupboards that need to be sorted, furniture that needs to be restored and a garage that needs serious attention. I just don’t feel like doing it. Any of it. I’m spending most of my time doing general housework (cleaning, laundry, dishes etc), making food and snacks, “managing” the boys and spending some time with them, doing admin, and fitting in some time for me – for exercise, hobbies and rest. The making time for me thing is a biggie… I know how important self-care is but I can’t help but feel guilty every time. I feel like I’m being selfish and that the time should could be better spent on the kids or getting to the long list of things that need to be done around the house. Is it just me, or can you relate?   

On the socio-economic front, I feel deep concern for those who are not fortunate to live in a comfortable, safe house, those who have no income, those who are lonely at the best of times. Those whose desperation and hopelessness may want to tempt them into suicide over the months to come. BUT more is being done for the poor and vulnerable than I’ve experienced before and that gives me hope! The homeless are being looked after in shelters, food and groceries are being provided for those who need it, kindness and generosity are replacing segregation and judgement. The playing fields are being levelled a bit and that’s good, as hard as it is.

On the faith front, lockdown has definitely provided opportunity to get closer to God and I’m very grateful for that. I usually tend to get caught up in the busyness of my days and lose focus and connection, so the change in pace and rhythm is very welcome. More than anything, I’ve had to dig deep to try cancel out the immense Coronavirus-induced fear that I was feeling and actively choose to believe that God’s got this! We’ve been speaking about the concept of the Sabbath quite a bit this year in our church circles and as a family. It’s a principal that was put in place for good reason – we need rest, we need connection, we need to take time out to shift our gaze. But how do you realistically fit that in between the kids parties, work commitments, housework and social time that usually fills our weekends? I’d say that this lockdown period has “forced” the Sabbath concept to an extent and I believe it’s something that we’ll prioritise post-lockdown.

So what’s my conclusion???

Here’s what I do know… I want to use lockdown as an opportunity to re-evaluate our lives. To look at what’s important. To declutter and unbusy our schedules. To truly find what anchors us. To consider the outlook of our lives – that which is in our control vs that which isn’t…

Other than that, I want to [insert not only] stay sane [insert but grow in maturity] and make sure that our family is happy and looked after. I’ll count anything that I manage to achieve over and above that as a bonus. And that will just have to be [insert is] enough!

Hello World!

Hello World!

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I’m excited. Nervous, a bit tentative, rather unsure, but excited.

About a year ago, I suddenly felt one day that I should start a blog. It was a random thought; not something I’d considered before. A name dropped into my mind – a random name, and I loved it. I Googled it, just to make sure that it wasn’t already taken. And it was. Hmm, maybe the idea wasn’t as inspired as I’d thought, I was clearly just being silly. I mean, who would want to read what I have to say anyway? In fact, what would I say?? I am insignificant, boring, not cool enough, have no interest in becoming an “influencer”, and am just a very ordinary human being.

When I say I don’t want to be an “influencer”, please don’t get me wrong. I want to have influence, I want to impact people’s lives for the better, I want to share positive, encouraging thoughts – God knows we need more of it! All I mean is, I have no interest in doing make-up tutorials and will NOT have an Insta feed that’s full of pics of me living it up, being beautiful and carefree and all put together. I’m just not that person. (P.S mad respect to all the influencers who get that right.)

I don’t know exactly what content will be covered on my blog or how I would describe it. What I do know, is that I want it to be completely honest – vulnerable even.

As I am on a journey of learning to take my thoughts captive (more on that later in a separate post), I’m going to say it as it comes, and then correct myself until I find words that I feel are healthier options, but still true. Editing is naturally part of the writing process, but rather unconventionally, I’m not going to hide my edits. I’m going to lay it all out there – mainly as an exercise for myself to be able to see trends in my thought patterns and the words that I use, and to be able to measure a decrease (hopefully) in the need to self-correct as I practise this. Who knows, maybe it will even challenge you to think about the words that you use…        

Back to the beginning.

After I dismissed the thought of starting a blog a year ago, a friend messaged me earlier this week to say that while praying for me she felt that I need to start a blog. “Oi, here we go again,” I thought.

Well, I am on “Rona” lockdown and need to find something constructive to do – because work has dried up (eek $$$??), the kids are driving me crazy and I do NOT feel like doing the ironing, spring cleaning cupboards, or mending the pile of clothes with buttons that need to be sewn, hems that need to be stitched or pants that need to be adjusted (thanks to comfort-eating, ugh). So, I guess I’ll do this instead and see where it goes.

Being a serial [insert recovering] procrastinator WITH ADD, I really struggle to get going with things when I don’t feel up to it. I just cannot bring myself to do it. But when I do feel like doing something, there’s absolutely NO stopping me. This morning, I woke up wanting to start a blog. And that’s why I’m excited.